Musings and Thoughts
by miz
Summary: Name changed from just plain Musings to this title... enjoy and reviews... ^ ~
1. Musing

iDisclaimer- If Rogue and Wolverine were mine, I'll have them locked up in a bedroom. Jean would be somewhere with Scott doing, God knows what and I wouldn't be this dirt poor! Truthfully, they're not mine; so don't even think about coming after me to sue for money...!   
  
Author Note- This is my first time posting, an X-Men related story. Feedback would be welcome! I though of this little piece when I was on the bus. Credits as due to Kes...for helping me beta read this small piece. Thanks a lot...! I'm also thinking about doing a sequel to this idea, so I would appreciate feedback! /I  
  
  
bMusings/b  
  
People are selfish creatures. That's a given, right? Well it hurts to be the only person that is not selfish…but then again, am I even counted as a person? Don't they even know that whenever they tread around me with those cautious footsteps that I can hear or see them?   
I know that I'm untouchable, but am I to be shunned as well?   
  
Why, why did he have to leave me? Now that I need him the most, he had already left me behind. It wasn't my fault, I didn't want to touch that woman, she touched me and I'm stuck with her life in my head. I feel so cold, the professor said that it would be warm here, back in my own room, but I don't think I could be warm again.   
  
My mind had been broken and torn, as it had already been two years since he left. Just when would he be back?   
  
He left me nothing, but memories and a pair of dog tags… I may be younger then him, but what am I? Chopped liver? I hated the way he flirted with Jean when he was here, but then again, who am I to say otherwise?   
  
I only wish… I wish that he were here, with me now… for now, I could only try and not be as selfish as everyone else is…  
  
I hear others calling, for me now. Let's just pretend that all this conversation with myself never happen, shall we? 


	2. Thoughts

Disclaimer- As everyone should know, the mentioned characters are not mine. I'll really enjoy it if they were mine, but alas that's not the case, so disclaimers galore!   
  
Author Note- That's it, I've decided to turn this story into a mini-series. Given that Kes, an aquaintance has decided to help me beta-read some of the chapters. I've decided to put this up.   
  
Naturally, if the title is titled Musings then it might be from a female character prespective. Thoughts would be for guys. There's still a lot of kinks, if I write this story from a first person prespective or switch it to writing from a third person.   
  
I love reviews or feedback...so comments...okay?!  
  
  
bThoughts/b   
  
Cold…Christ fucking tap dancing in hell…  
  
That was the only thing; he thought, that and the long list of profanities bursting in his head.   
  
Scowling, he trudged through the knee-deep snowdrift. It was snowing when his rented van had sputtered and died, several miles back. Now it was snowing harder and getting darker. The forest in this part of Canada was very deserted, so Logan was only left to the howling of wolves that was crying their hunger. The wolverine in him would have liked to howl back, but the human Logan cared only of walking through the forest.   
  
Early on when he had left to make this journey, he had found his way back there to the lab, yet there was nothing left behind to salvage; nothing but layers of dust and the generations of vermin that had settled there in the wake of the being deserted.   
  
Logan had considered this journey, a waste of two years; a desire of gaining insight and in the end left with more questions on his past.   
  
Yet at the present moment Logan felt that as soon as he got out of the woods. He would return home to the girl he left behind.   
  
Funny that he would be calling that place his home…   
  
However, that place would always be a home for him, since she's there…  
  
Stopping for a minute, he tried to picture his girl's face and the sound of her. It's been two years since he'd seen her. In his mind, he remembers the way she looked before he left. She would always be, the striking and attractive waif; with sparkling chocolate eyes   
and a sweet Southern drawl that had made him feel content.   
  
When he last saw her, she was a very pretty little piece. Probably matured by now and had block after block of guys chasing after her. But no matter what, when the Wolverine had made his claim, he wouldn't care if there were guys lusting away for the Rogue. He hadn't left his tags behind for nothing. He was definitely going back. She was his and when he got back, he would rightly stake his claim.   
  
With her powers of absorption that would have scared off a lesser man; he'd never been afraid of her and never would be. He only regrets the fact, under which he left her with his memories. He hoped that she could forgive him. In the mean time, he would be courting her and making her, his. There was definitely ways of getting around that mutation of hers. When the Wolverine wanted to be creative, he could and would be in order of claiming his mate.   
  
This was an idea he was happy on. Growling contently, the Wolverine licked his lips,   
hefted his knapsack higher on his back and started to walk slowly through the swirling   
snowfall. 


	3. Musings

Title:Musings br  
Author:mizbr  
Summary:I did say that I was turning Musings into a series. With the titles of Musings from a female prespective and the title Thoughs from a male prespective.br   
Rating:G I think... who knows.... I'm not very sure on rating my chapters...but then again it could be PG-13 or something. br  
Disclaimers: If I owe them... then I would have it so that there wouldbr be the notion of Ororo and Victor together as a couple. I think thatbr I'm going to get into that pairing idea _ br  
Author's Notes: Nothing much to say, yet again greatest thanks to Kes.br Now it might be until next week or for some unknown periodbr before I have another chapter out... so don't kill me for not having brthe chapters out! brbr  
  
Yet again feedback would be really nice! brbr  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~brbr  
  
Pity is something that I shouldn't feel for that girl. Yet it seemsbr like the only thing that I could feel now, on this dark and chilly brnight; that and regret for the girl sitting outside. I mean thatbr she's sitting on the tree branch; just waiting for a man thatbr has already been gone for two years. brbr  
  
She should know better then pine away for what's not there. It neverbr [i]was[/i] right, their relationship. He was so much olderbr and she was just a child. brbr  
  
Regardless of her abilities for sucking the memories and life out ofbr someone, physically she just wasn't ready. brbr  
  
I could just act like a perfect doctor that seems to have no worries onbr the situations around, but that would be a little toobr irresponsible. It's quite obvious that she's getting thinner andbr thinner by the day. I truly don't want her heart to be broken. br  
brbr  
Contrary to that though, sometimes for some increments of time, I feelbr that we should at least notify [i]him[/i] on the currentbr situation. Yet, I'm very certain that my husband wouldn't want me to brnotify him. Seeing the tension between them, I'm wary of what mightbr happen if they see each other. Mentally, I know the logicalbr reason is pride and a wanting to save face, from the X-menbr being called failure, for maybe failing to save the mentalbr health of a student in the Xavier Institution. brbr  
  
She feels that we've been shunning her, but how can we not try to avoidbr her, when the slightest comment could make that Carol Danversbr persona appear? brbr  
  
The Professor truly doesn't want me to touch her mind withoutbr permission from the effected party. He tells me to not get involved andbr that he will give me an answer soon. Yet how can I not bebr involved; I try to care for that girl as if she was my own sister. brbr  
  
Seeing her now, sitting on that tree is starting to make me feelbr uneasy. Normally a person's eyes are known as the window to a soul. Yetbr her eyes are now shuttered with no emotion. It would be well tobr compare her look to something that is akin to a calm ocean justbr before a storm. brbr  
  
Now I just hope nothing bad would occur, before that man came back. 


	4. Thoughts

**Title:** Thoughts-Chapter 4   
**Author:** miz  
**E-mail:**miz_sana@netzero.net  
**Summary:** Try to guess who this character's POV is?   
**Rating:**G to PG-13 This is probably going to be a angsty story on perhaps my part of writing this story. I'm not very sure on rating chapters...  
**Disclaimers: **If I owe them... then life would be just ever so grand for me...   
**Author's Notes:** Okay...now this may seem a little confusing. But for the purpose of not confusing myself when I post chapters. I'll be posting the Chapter number as well as if it's a female or male prespective. So I hope it won't confuse anyone. _ Also greatest thanks to Kes...   
  
I've heard Dr. Grey mention her recently.  
  
Quite an attractive young women, if I do say so myself. It is safe to say that I notice every other figure, excluding a few others and myself: always looking. I wouldn't say in a lustful manner. That would be an insult to her intelligence, but the manner that other people look at her, would be pity.   
  
She doesn't deserve pity. Not her… never her.   
  
However, it is the cowardice of the other people. They would always be scared of going up to her.   
  
Now it's mostly because of her unstable mental condition and as I observed, she would be a very nice person; albeit a little strange, but aren't we all?  
  
We've never spoken before, but I feel that soon it will be the time to speak with her. I hope that the meeting will go alright, for it is like when Hamlet said, "To be or not to be; that is the question…"  
  
Now where have my thoughts have gone, thinking of Hamlet at a time like this? Particularly since I'm now working on a delicate matter. That is, the matter of making a perfect if not delicate tasting chocolate mousse cake.  
  
I've got to say that I'm quite worried, but as soon as this chocolate mousse cake is made, then I shall go and seek her out to have tea and a small talk.   
  



	5. Musings

**Title:** Musings-Chapter 5   
**Author:** miz  
**E-mail:**miz_sana@netzero.net  
**Summary:** Try to guess who this character's POV is?   
**Rating:**G to PG-13 This is probably going to be a angsty story on perhaps my part of writing this story. I'm not very sure on rating chapters...  
**Disclaimers: **Same sayings as other chapters, I've posted....   
**Author's Notes:** Okay...now this may seem a little confusing. But for the purpose of not confusing myself when I post chapters. I'll be posting the Chapter number as well as if it's a female or male prespective. So I hope it won't confuse anyone. _ Also greatest thanks to Kes...   
  
Should I tell the Professor about my recent headaches?  
  
Maybe not… it's not as if he would do anything.  
  
If anything, I would think that they wouldn't care.  
  
Every night while the others are asleep in bed, I'm awake and I'm not sure if I want to go to sleep, because if I close my eyes, I feel as if I'm losing a part of myself, myself and my will to go on.  
  
Waiting is something that I've never been well with. I've always been a doer and it just hurts now to be waiting; waiting for a man to come back when I fear that I'll be nothing but a spiritless person when he does.   
  
When will the person I wait for be back? I just don't know what to think these days. I keep on asking the professor if there is any news, but he would never say, so maybe I should be deciding to give up on the wait now.   
  
Recently there has been a new doctor to see me. His name is Dr. Hank McCoy and he's such a strange man; strange, but cute in a nice huggable stuffed animal way. He's a lot friendlier then Dr. Grey, I wonder what's he doing now. I smell something nice cooking, something that has a sweet heavy scent, very deliciously so; of chocolate.   
  
Hmm…I see him walking this way with a smile. Maybe he'll want to talk to Jubilee behind me?  
  
It would be a laugh if he wants to talk to me…hmm…. scratch that though…I hear his deep and gentle voice now. He is inviting me to try his chocolate mousse cake and have tea with him now…that sounds like a nice idea…   
  



	6. Musings

**Title:** Musings-Chapter 6   
**Author:** miz  
**E-mail:**miz_sana@netzero.net  
**Summary:** Try to guess who this character's POV is?   
**Rating:**G to PG-13 This is probably going to be a angsty story on perhaps my part of writing this story. I'm not very sure on rating chapters...  
**Disclaimers: **Same sayings as other chapters, I've posted.... I'm not going to repeat myself....in case..I'll get too boring...   
**Author's Notes:** Okay...now this may seem a little confusing. But for the purpose of not confusing myself when I post chapters. I'll be posting the Chapter number as well as if it's a female or male prespective. So I hope it won't confuse anyone. _ Also greatest thanks to Kes...   
  
I'm still not too sure on whether I should tell the Professor about my headaches.  
  
The Logan and the Erik in my head are saying yes, that I should, but Carol and David are saying no. My mind's practically at war with each other, for it seems like every hour of my existence is used to try and remain sane as possible.  
  
The acting skills that I'm said to be especially good at, are a useful mean to use at times of attending class or being in the presence of the others. It might be a good thing or a bad thing that other people don't know what is happening to me. I can't seem to make up my mind about that. But I'll try not to think about it.   
  
It's hours after I had tea with Dr. McCoy, in the dead of the nigh, I believe.   
  
I'm currently tossing and turning in my bed, unable to find any semblance of sleep.  
  
My heart and conscience are in turmoil as to what face I should adapt for the future. Should I try to retain the personality that was Marie? Her innocence and naivety is something that my heart really wants to stay.   
  
But as the days and hours go by, with the personas in my head, the conscience part of me _argues _for turning into the personality that is Rogue's. The conscience part is currently winning, for there is hardly any more reason to cling onto the dreams of Marie. It's getting harder to resist the temptations of retreating behind the personality of Rogue; the warrior of me.   
  



End file.
